What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
