i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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