somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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