Quick, to the slutcave!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
