We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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