Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize