I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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