put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
