So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
