Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
