if you like me you must not know who I am
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
organizing the empties. That sober.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
