Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
