I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
