I think my fart just growled at me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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