Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
