I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
