That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
