I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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