when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
