birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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