saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize