Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize