He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
