Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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