New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
