Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
