Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
