she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He did a backflip because drugs
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