I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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