Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
