i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
