I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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