U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
