I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
