On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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