The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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