do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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