Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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