Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
