New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is my gift to your gina
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
