Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
