I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
