Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
