She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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