I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
