it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
