I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
