I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize