His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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