Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
