i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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