also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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