Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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