I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
