Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize