Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
