hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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