and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
