my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
