It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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