If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
