she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
