Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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