RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
