woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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