Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
