I'm pants shitting drunk right now
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize